Archive for the ‘Letters’ Category
Dear Mr. Zombie,
We admit we didn’t see the first movie, but we have some questions about The Devil’s Rejects.
Who was the leatherface giant guy in the beginning. And in the end. Was he grandpa? Cuz we think he might be grandpa, but it was unclear. Did he kill himself?
Was the crazy clown married to the mom? And if so, who was the woman in his house in the beginning? Were he and Mama divorced? Why doesn’t anyone care what happened to Mama? What’s the deal with the crazy clown man, just in general?
Why did the sheriff suck so bad? He was the worst torturer. He’s all “I’ll staple you good!” Come on, Steve-o from Jackass staples his balls to his own leg, just to amuse his friends. What’s next? Are you going to put them in a shopping cart and send them down a hill?
Why were the serial killers such giant wimps when the tables turned on them? They can dish it, they can’t take it? They can cut people’s faces off and wear them as masks, but they can’t take a few staples?
Why didn’t the lady take her husband’s face off when she was running in the street? I mean, come on!
This is another thing that bothers us:
Written by Rob Zombie
Directed by Rob Zombie
Music by NotRobZombie
?
Come on! We wanted to rock out to More Human Than Human while people got their faces cut off.
Here are some things we did like about the movie, just so you don’t think we’re coming down on you too hard, Mr. Zombie.
Highlights for Mary:
Casting that big guy from Just Shoot Me.
Casting Johnny23 from ConAir.
When your wife got beat up.
Highlights for Susan:
Casting that big guy from Just Shoot Me.
The line where the bad guy asks that one guy if his wife likes it when he throws up.
The conversation that resulted in our living room after the chicken scene.
Susan: What?!
Mary: What?!
Mary: When you cut off the chicken’s head, are you supposed to use the neck or the body?
Susan: Sick Mary! It doesn’t matter anyway, a chicken’s butthole is too small.
Mary: What?! No, when you cut the neck do you use the NECK or the BODY?
Susan: What the hell are you talking about?
Mary: Well the chicken has a really long neck.
Susan: No, what I’m saying is that it doesn’t matter if you use the neck end or the butt end, cuz the butt is too small so either way it’s going to be gory.
Mary: I’ve seen too many gross things today.
In conclusion, we liked your movie and are excited to receive your reply.
Love,
Mary and Susan
Posted by Susan on January 3rd, 2006 in Letters, Movies | 2 Comments »
“Could you send me a list of the 2000 parts?” –Susan
The second letter. Sent not long after the Campbell’s letter and resulting in a response along the lines of “we don’t actually know what the 2000 parts are… but clearly our campaign is working since you thought about it. Here’s a coupon for free soap.”
Posted by Susan on December 23rd, 2005 in Letters | No Comments »
“Please consider the use of a teabag to contain the soggy chunks of chicken flesh floating around in my soup.” –Susan
The first letter. Sent to Campbell’s Soup when the Aliens were in about eighth grade. I’m still looking for it in my old boxes so I can post the actual text. Campbell’s replied, sending several coupons for free cans of soup.